The World’s Most Painful Slurpee

Weather: 55 degrees, clear, and really, really dark

Right as the clock struck 5:15, Bing decided to inform the pax that his ass hurt – apparently, too much time on the bike yesterday. It was at this point that Chili’s habit of showing up at 5:16 all of a sudden seemed brilliant, especially for someone who thinks about burpees the way most kids think about ice cream. In spite of the distraction, it was time to get the beatdown started, so YHC gave the core principles and disclaimer (what was left of it by this point) and started a 3-lap mozi that included nur, carioca x2, high knees and butt kickers. We then headed into the echo chamber for the COP, featuring SSH, strawberry pickers, Moroccan nightclubs, and windmills.

On to the main event. YHC concocted a routine called 7-11, in honor of a certain chain of convenience stores. The concept was simple – a set of 7s followed by a set of 11s, rinse and repeat using different exercises. Here was the program:

SEVENS

  • Carolina drydocks
  • Side lunges

ELEVENS

  • Squats
  • Overhead claps

SEVENS

  • Monkey humpers
  • Joe Louis

ELEVENS

  • LBCs
  • Plank jacks

SEVENS

  • Captain Thor
  • Leg lifts

ELEVENS

  • Merkins
  • SSHs

SEVENS

  • Shoulder taps
  • Parker Peters

ELEVENS

  • Moroccan nighclubs
  • Imperial walkers

At some point before the Captain Thors, YHC overheard Big Mac saying something about a heart monitor that hooks up to his nipples. I pretended not to hear and did not ask further questions. You’re welcome.

Announcements:

  • Read your newsletter! Because it has loads of announcements.
  • Triathlon and Bridge a Life run in February
  • Ragnar in December

Praise and prayer requests:

  • Big time praise for Gridlock, who damn near qualified for the Boston Marathon yesterday. He still broke a personal best, won his age group and was faster than every single woman out there. Awesome effort.
  • Praise from Chili for a good job offer, and prayers for his daughter going back to college
  • As always, prayers for troops, police, firefighters and first responders
  • Banjo warned us all of a condition called “sleepy peepee” that apparently afflicts those who bike a lot without proper padding in certain places. Still unclear if this was a praise report, prayer request, or medical advice. But it happened so it’s now on the record.

With that, and not a minute too soon, it was time to put this edition of F3 out of its misery.

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