On This Rock

Saturday hence past, was a morning teeming of glory, including but not limited by, the vastness of sunlight and lack thereof of temperature.  Notwithstanding the foregoing, the amount of water vapor in the air was quite voluminous and oppressive, in a figurative, but not literal, definition as experienced, not simply witnessed.  If you’re not Manziel, this could be read as “it was pretty nice out.”

Ripken recited the Five Core Principles in quite likely their purest form yet. Never has an orator left such an impression on the Pax. Following a Moz, (a short Mozy), the Pax were stripped of their manhood through a few Bro-ga moves.

After verifying that no M’s or cameras were present, the Pax did three rotations of Sun Salutations.  Trump excelled at the Downward Dog, while Tex’s Swan Dive was quite elegant. From there, we did a Warrior Series ending in Airplane pose and Standing Splits.  Lambeau’s Standing Splits form resembled Kevin Bacon’s “Thank you sir, may I have another” pose from Animal House. Bing sharted, no really, he did.

Lest we (I) forget the spiritual element of this F3 workout, we discussed Matthew 16:18 where Jesus tells Peter he is the rock that He will build his church upon.  With that we gathered rocks from Ripken’s truck and headed to field. Jesus would use these rocks to build our bodies into temples worthy of our M’s worship.  (We can dream can’t we?)

A ladder of pain was formed with 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 and 35 reps.  American Hammers at one end, Rock Slams at the other.  Rinse and repeat with Side Leans and Leg Lifts.

Next was a Dora with the rocks.  100 Military Presses, 100 Curls and 100 Salsa Dips. Dash helped Sparky make it through this torture whilst still smiling. Woodford decided that containing Bolt was not likely so he just tried to keep up.  With a small amount of triglycloridean acid still left in our hemoglobin and phosphoric membrane, there was just enough time for a Surprise.

At the basketball courts, those new to F3 in the past 3 months learned to appreciate the Ripken Suicide.  This is a basketball court suicide, but repeated a 1-minute intervals. Most made it to 10, some jumped out and then back in.

There were announcements, prayers and praises.  They were all good, I forgot them all…It’s been 72 hours, what do you expect? God Bless America, God Bless F3 and God Bless our Families.  Amen.

Ripken out.