Week 4 | The Wound
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6 Pax continued the book study at Adventure Park at 6:15 for the fourth week of Wild at Heart. Thank you to all the HIM that posted. All Pax are still encouraged to attend. Even if you don’t have the book, just show up to fellowship and grow spiritually with us.
The reading assignment was Chapter 4 – The Wound.
We began by watching this video: Wild Life with John Eldredge – Part 2
- What was your father like? What things were passed on to you from your Dad?
- Boys need validation from their Father, they need to know their dad loves them, and is proud of them.
- Did you ever think at any point in your passage to manhood, “I don’t need anybody. I can do this on my own.”?
Every man carries a wound, and it is nearly always given by his father.
A Man’s Deepest Question
- What does the author suggest is Man’s deepest question?
- “Do I have what it takes?”
- Have you ever thought this? Do you think young boys think this frequently?
Where Does Masculinity Come From?
- A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man, or the company of men.
- Masculinity is bestowed from other men.
Mothers and Sons
- When a boy is first brought into the world, Mom is the center of his universe.
- There comes a time when boys seek out their father’s affection. This is a hard time in a mother’s life, when then father replaces her as the sun of the boy’s universe.
- The boy has a question that can only be answered by a man.
From Strength to Strength
- The traditional ways of passing down masculinity or a trade, boys work closely with their fathers: Carpentry, Farming, Fishing….
- When a father spends lots of time with a boy, something passes on to the boy. As boys grow in their masculinity, they want to be tested, they want to know if they are good enough.
- There are sometimes rituals for when a boy passes into manhood.
Matthew 3:16-17 (NIV) As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
- Father’s can leave permanent scars on young boys that could alter the entire course of their life. Without some other help, many men never recover.
- What about if a father dies when a boy is young, or leaves the family? Fathers can wound their son’s through silence or absence.
- The question goes unanswered, “Do I have what it takes?”.
The Wound’s Effect
- All men have a father wound, so matter how big or small. We live in a broken world and all men are son’s of a fallen Adam.
- “You are on your own, there is no one in your corner, no one to show you the way.”
- “You are not good enough.”
- Men could make a vow: “I don’t need anyone” It affects relationships, marriage.
- Father committed suicide, now he will never do anything dangerous, he’s a pushover.
- Men overcompensate for their wound and become driven (violent), or they shrink back and go passive (retreating). Often its an odd mixture of both.
“Little Billy’s mother was always telling him exactly what he was allowed to do and what he was not allowed to do. All the things he was allowed to do were boring. All the things he was not allowed to do were exciting. One of the things he NEVER NEVER was allowed to do, the most exciting of them all, was to go out through the garden gate all by himself and explore the world beyond.” — Roald Dahl
Homework | Read Chapter Five: The Battle for a Man’s Heart
Thoughts for the week:
What are some things that men turn to for validation? Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? What happens when a man takes his question to a woman?