Which way is Bradenton?

Date: 1/27/2020

Weather: 56 degrees and moist (in too many ways to count, unfortunately)

QIC: Manziel

Pax: Bing, Brutus, Goob, Lambeau, Manziel, Mr. Clean, Ricky Bobby, Ripken, ShamWow, Sir Wallace, Stage Coach

The good news: 5.15 rolled around right as Bing was launching into a tale of strange events on the pre-run with Ripken, allowing YHC to interrupt to get the beatdown going. Even at that stage, you could tell that this one was going to be NSFW (as usual, it depends on where you work). The bad news: it didn’t take long after the start of the beatdown for the story to continue (with Ripken adding his perspective, of course), and by the time the morning was over, we all had our minds dragged into the gutter.

The core principles and disclaimers were recited and we launched into the mozi, with butt kickers, nur, carioca x2, high knees, and a bonus lap (it felt cold, so why not). It was then off to the Echo Chamber, which had apparently taken the brunt of this morning’s little rain showers. We had the COP with SSH, strawberry pickers, imperial walkers and Moroccan nightclubs. At last, it was time to reveal this morning’s lineup for the highly anticipated Board of Pain.

Today marked the 2nd edition of the 3:44 workout, which is sort of like the normal Board of Pain, only much more stupid. There are a total of 9 exercises, separated into 3 groups of 3. You do 44 reps for each of the first three (breaking them up is permitted and actually recommended), then run to a cone located on the road to the dog park, which happens to be almost precisely a 344 yard run from the Echo Chamber. Do 3 burpees at the cone and run back. Then it’s 44 reps for each of the first six exercises, run to the cone and do 3 burpees, run back and do all 9 exercises for 44 reps each. There’s supposed to be another run and 3 burpees at the end, but we ran out of time. The Board of Pain had the following lineup, which was unfortunately put together before anyone bothered to find out if there was rain in the forecast:

  1. Carolina Drydocks
  2. Salsa Dips
  3. Dying Cockroach
  4. Overhead Claps
  5. Lunges (count each leg)
  6. Peter Parkers
  7. Diamond Merkins
  8. Step Ups (count each leg)
  9. Big Boy Situps

With the Q spending little time barking out directions, mumble chatter hit all sorts of unseemly topics – people asking for directions to Bradenton, ponchos, Brutus’s least favorite songs, and the benefits of a plant-based diet (note to pax: with Trump on IR, the Adventure Park bathroom is feeling lonely so don’t hesitate to visit). I would say that a good time was had by all, but that would be a complete lie, especially among those not fully recovered from Rowdy’s beatdown on Saturday.


  • This Friday, Men’s Night at Bayside. Someone said something about axe throwing so make sure your health insurance premiums are all paid up. You might even want to see Ripken to buy some life insurance.
  • Night to Shine, Friday, Feb. 7 at Bayside. Lots of F3 guys and families are volunteering so do that if you can.
  • Super Hero 5k, Saturday, Feb. 15 at Benderson. Come out and support Gridlock’s organization.
  • Grow Ruck Florida, April 3-5.

Prayers and praises:

  • Ricky Bobby for stepping out and getting back out and for the pax members to make sure he stuck to it, even if the weather was crap
  • Ripken’s daughter on her baptism yesterday, and for all the pax who showed up in support
  • Prayers for successful surgeries for Ripken’s M and Trane’s M, both happening soon, and for speedy and full recoveries
  • Former client of Bing who was a business manager for Kobe
  • Ricky Bobby for a big exam today (remember, dying cockroach is probably not the correct answer)
  • Injured pax
  • Troops, police, firefighters and first responders

Big message on the day is that it sucks for a major tragedy to remind us of this, but work hard, do the right thing, be nice to people and be forgiving. No matter who you are, you never know when it will be time to go to the AO in the Sky.