Setting: Full moon, starry sky, small animals scurrying to and fro. Lantern lights in the distance begging for an explanation. Empty parking lot hinting of the smell of future human debris. The anxiety of what was to come…one could cut the tension with a knife.
Temperature: Memorable, a slight chill in the breeze. Ominous, but not stifling humidity. Breath could not be seen, but felt.
Upon arrival, Pax were “greeted” with a strobe that was both a warning and a guidepost. Much like a lighthouse serves as a beacon for ships to stay away in high waters, it serves a sight for sore eyes when adrift with no sail.
The mozy was to on the course to see first hand what was to come. A course of 0.33 miles with 7 light beacons was designed with both self-abuse and behavior modification in mind. During the mozy, the Pax’s body’s began to glisten and pulse, partly due to their elevated heart rates and partly due the onset of fear/flight response.
While they may have desired, no one chose flight. For this they were rewarded with Toy Soldiers, Merkins, Imperial Walkers and a new crowd favorite…The Ho Down. Ripken performed this with the skill of the Russian (redneck) Ballet. A faint golf clap could be heard.
The Pax split into pairs, safety comes in pairs, and each departed, hoping this would not be the last they saw of each other. Each pair communed to a lantern, chose a card and performed the said exercises. The “Reader” got the first one and the “Follower” got the flip side. One was hard, one was easy. This proceeded with running, side hopping and skipping from each pail in the moonlight. Mysteriously, a scream was heard in the distance. One could not tell if it was a from a hamstring tearing or from a gaseous colon blow….terrifying either way.
Our verse for the day was Matthew 11:28, upon the lack of recital, the Pax were treated with burpees. Once recited properly, the burpees ceased. True rest comes in the arms of Jesus, not in the conclusion of a beatdown.
Prayers were given for the survival of all, that none had paid the ultimate penalty. However, it is possible that something evil still lurks just beyond the grasp of the lanterns’ light and will be there, waiting, hoping for a wayward Pax to devour next time.