Make A Merkin Great Again

Ripken took his anger out on the Pax.  After a bad night’s sleep, sugar withdrawals, a sore back and minor constipation, it wasn’t looking to be fun for the boys.  It was seemingly looking up, but after a trip to the latrine with no TP and only paper towels as a remedy, Ripken was really ready to burn off his anger.  Sorry for those choosing not to fartsack.

With one FNG, we stated the disclaimer to keep Manziel, our only attorney in attendance, happy.  The Five core principals were recited, in a quick “I don’t care if you heard me” fashion and without warning the Mozy began.  Around the lot, down the trail with High Knees, Butt Kickers, Karaokes and Skips.  Near the dog park, some SSH were added to raise the heart rate.  Coming back, the pace quickened, Nurs were thrown in and the pace picked up again.

The circle was more of a triangle.  SSH, Push Jacks, Cross Jacks, and everyone’s favorite…Richard Simmons.  Followed by Imperial Walkers, Toy Soldiers and Strawberry Pickers.

Today’s beatdown was found at the EchoChamber.  Some angry music was queued and each Pax picked a circle.  Death by Merkins was the theme.

20 reps at each circle with Lunge Walks between…

  • Merkins
  • Wide Merkins
  • Diamond Merkins
  • Carolina Drydocks
  • Offset-hand Merkins
  • 20 ab crunches on swings when down.

Once done, everyone ran around the EC until the Six was in; a brief water break was had.  Then all exercises were repeated with a 10 rep count.  Full range of motion this time, fellas.  No cheating.  It’s only 10 reps, you bunch of pansies!

The Pax thought Ripken found a happy streak when they circled up and sat on their six.  However, with almost no rest, came the Moroccan Night Clubs with one leg up.  Rotate legs, keep arms going, keep the arms burning.  When Jimmy Dean’s shoulders could take no more, we took one last water break.

Last set was 20 reps at each circle with Bear Crawl between…

  • Squats
  • Squat pulses
  • Saturday Nights (aka Homer to Marge)
  • Calf Raises
  • Monkey Humpers
  • 20 hamstring crunches on swings (think ab crunches, but belly up)

With only 5 minutes left, we circled up, but not for COT.  Side Lunges reaching under and holding, then 5 Merkins, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Scuba whispered some light profanities under his breath.  We finished with one minute of Diamond Gerkins.  No one could do a Merkin anymore.

Announcements for MudTitan run and Ft. Hammer Bridge run for the pretty boys, both on 8/25.  Here’s link to Groupon for MudTitan.  Siesta Key triathlon at the end of September too.  Pick one and sign up…or be a loser and don’t.

Praises for big turnout on Saturday.  Prayers for young boy fighting skin cancer and for Page who’s cancer battle continues. COT reminded us of how big God is and how we need to only open our eyes to see His splendor.

Thankfully, after the beatdown and stress relief, Ripken chose not to kick his dog and beat his M when he got home.  As you can see, F3 continues to pay positive dividends in the lives of us former Sad Clowns.

***Bonus, how many of you know what a Merkin really is?  I only found out when searching for a picture to add to the BB.  Google it, just not when the kids are watching.  You’ll never think of a Merkin the same again!  Hail to the Merkin.

F3 Suncoast