A Beatdown Unlike Any Other

Weather: 72 and still humid

Another Monday. Even worse, tax day. It may have been lucky that YHC couldn’t come up with a good tax-themed beatdown. Maybe next year.

No FNGs, so after a brief recital of the core principles and disclaimer, we started with a 2-lap mozi with high knees, buttkickers, carioca x2 and nur. Then it was off to the Echo Chamber for a COP with Strawberry Pickers, Imperial Walkers, SSH and Moroccan Nightclubs.

Yesterday was the final round of the Masters, so YHC thought it would be cool to replicate the Masters beatdown that Drake did last year (which was a brutal FNG workout for yours truly, but I obviously survived). That involved a lot of exercises and a lot of running, but with no daylight and much less time, certain modifications were required.

A new, bigger and better Manziel Board of Pain was rolled out. On each side was a list of nine exercises, one for each hole at Augusta National. The board displayed par for each hole, so the pax – oh wait, this is the Masters, so I meant to say the patrons – were required to multiply par by 10 and do that many reps of the exercise. Here’s where the evil modification comes in: instead of a lot of running, the patrons were told to run down to the other end of the rink, and do burpees equal to the par on the hole they just completed. The exercises were as follows:

  1. par 4 – Carolina drydocks
  2. par 5 – Moroccan nightclubs
  3. par 4 – Plank jacks
  4. par 3 – Merkins
  5. par 4 – Salsa dips
  6. par 3 – Step ups
  7. par 4 – Mountain climbers
  8. par 5 – LBCs
  9. par 4 – Peter Parkers
  10. par 4 – Overhead claps
  11. par 4 – Flutter kicks
  12. par 3 – Lunges
  13. par 5 – Freddie Mercuries
  14. par 4 – American hammers
  15. par 5 – Shoulder taps
  16. par 3 – Monkey humpers
  17. par 4 – Evender Holyfields
  18. par 4 – Leg raises

After the first nine, we took a break for the turn, as is the tradition in golf. Most golfers take the opportunity to grab a hot dog and a beer, but I read somewhere (probably a Facebook post, so it has to be true) that Tiger uses the time to do some Captain Thors. So, in honor of him winning his 5th green jacket, we did Captain Thors counting up to 5 sit-ups, then went on to the second nine (notice the heavy usage of Masters terminology).

The total par for the course is 72, meaning that we all racked up 720 reps of exercises and 72 burpees. It was so intense that mumble chatter among the patrons was minimal, one exception being that Ripken asked if we could play a par 3 course instead. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions or draw any inferences, but that’s usually something you’d expect to hear from someone who doesn’t have a lot of confidence when he needs to use his big stick.


  • After work AO this Wednesday at 6.15 at Unconditional Surrender
  • New St. Pete AO debut on June 1
  • Gator Wilderness and Sup & Run
  • Another triathlon in June (forgot the details)

Praises & Prayer Requests:

  • Gridlock for smashing his BQ yesterday
  • Ripken for a great showing in his triathlon last Saturday
  • Thor for a job interview in Charlotte tomorrow (unfortunately, if he gets it they don’t have F3 anywhere near there)

The Moleskin:

We saw from Tiger and Gridlock that if you work hard and keep pushing yourself, you can achieve anything. But don’t take my word for it:

Manziel out.