$5 Footlongs

Date: 8/28/2019

Weather: 79 degrees, way too humid

QIC: Manziel

Pax: Big Mac, Bing, Brutus, Bubbles, Chili Pepper, Cottontail, Dasani, Gator, Goob, Lancelot, Manziel, Mr. Clean, Olympus, Posh, ShamWow, Sniper, Trump

Today’s theme was a combination of our favorite things in F3: food and historical events. Because it was on this day in 1965 that the first Subway opened. Somehow, crappy subs lead to people trying to eat healthy which lead to Big Mac making ridiculous amounts of money from millennials who think you can make a cheeseburger out of something other than meat. Capitalism for the win!

After the core principles, mission and disclaimers were read, we had a mozi with carioca x2, nur, high knees and butt kickers, followed by a COP with SSH, strawberry pickers, windmills, Moroccan nightclubs, Michael Phelps and arm circles. After that it was off to the basketball courts for the main event.

Subway has had two big marketing campaigns in its recent history – Jared and $5 footlongs. YHC assumed that using Jared as an inspiration would be frowned upon and could result in us getting kicked out of F3 nation (especially in light of us being on double secret probation from the beatdown when Ripken played Michael Jackson songs for 45 straight minutes) so we would work around the theme of the $5 footlong – in this case, the numbers 5 and 12. Pax were told to line up on one baseline of the courts. At that end, an exercise would be done for 12 reps, then a mode of transportation would be used to get to the other baseline. At the 2nd baseline, another exercise was designated, but only one rep the first time, then use the mode of transportation to go back to the 1st baseline, where 12 reps of the first exercise were repeated. But on the next trip down, the second exercise was done for 2 reps, and the whole process was repeated until we worked up to 5 reps of the second exercise. Simple, right? Here were the sets:

12 shoulder taps, 5 burpees, transportation – nur

12 monkey humpers, 5 Jack Webbs, transportation – duck walk

12 plank jacks, 5 Evander Holyfields, transportation – side shuffle

12 Carolina drydocks, 5 Captain Thors, transportation – toy soldiers (only to half court)

When YHC announced that the final set involved only going to half court, the pax assumed that the mode of transportation would be a bear crawl, but were disappointed. With a couple of minutes left and to prevent a late mutiny, we finished with a Banjo bear crawl.

Also worth noting that a brief rain shower joined us during the first set of exercises. Overheard later: “It’s a little moist down here” and “you made me all wet.”


  • Clearwater launch on Sept. 7
  • Ronald McDonald House on Sept. 9
  • Join the Iron Pax challenge

Prayers and praise reports:

  • Brutus for a safe road trip
  • Everyone in the path of Dorian
  • Rowdy and his family
  • Praises to Gator for posting after all he’s been through
  • Troops, police, firefighters and first responders