Mind The Queen

Weather: near perfect. Upper-50s, light breeze, dew point 52F.

Pre-Run: YHC had some things to place throughout NBP, so the pre-6 had to be modified early by taking the pre-runners on a bit of a journey. Luckily, Rowdy EH’d an FNG at a baseball game the day before, so the FNG posted for the pre-6 while, ironically, Rowdy was a complete no-show given a bad migraine (regardless, need an especially nasty punishment for an FNG invite that goes like this!). Anyway, YHC was accompanied by Shamrock, Defib and an FNG as we wound through NBP placing “food stations” throughout the park. About a mile in, Shamrock had to yield to nature’s call, so the three remaining pre-runners headed-off toward the south via the east-side of the park. All told, we got in just over 5-miles, which wasn’t bad. The FNG held-on and was also able to complete a full beatdown!

Welcome: As YHC got the speaker, sledge hammer and cowbell out of the minivan, pax could be heard very jovial with lots of mumble chatter. Once the pre-music kicked-in, Big Mac could be seen working the bickle bointers with all manner of gusto. The pax laughed. The atmosphere was electric — for now. At exactly 0515, YHC cited the 5 core principles and the disclaimer and away we went on a two lap mosey that included butt kickers, lateral slides, high knees, strides, and nur.

Circle of Pain: The pax circled-up for a quick CoP that included the following:

  1. SSH x10 IC
  2. Hand-release Merkins x10 IC
  3. Hillbilly Walkers x12 IC
  4. Mt Climbers x 11 IC

The Thang: YHC reminded the pax that in F3 the king signifies fitness while the queen symbolizes nutrition. No amount of fitness can overcome bad nutrition. The accelerating HIM pays equal homage to the king and the queen to realize full potential. Many of the pax are really good at prioritizing the king, but the queen tends to play second fiddle. Given the March Madness weight-loss challenge, YHC thought it would be good to devote a beatdown to getting the pax re-acquainted with the queen — Mind The Queen.

The sole purpose of the beatdown was to burn-off calories associated with many of our favorite garbage foods. YHC planted 6 food stations throughout the park, not knowing how quickly / slowly the pax would run nor how fast they could complete each station’s “main course” and the “all the fix’ns” bonus.

The six food stations and their associated pain were as follows:

  1. Main Course:  1-bite of Papa Johns Cheese Pizza, 30 Calories, 200 LBCs. All The Fix’ns bonus: 3 dips of garlic butter, 12 Calories, 30 Merkins.
  2. Main Course:  14 licks of a Vanilla Ice Cream Cone, 70 Calories, 203 Sumo Squats. All The Fix’ns bonus: 3 bites of Magic Shell, 26 Calories, 180 SSHs.
  3. Main Course:  1/3 of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, 29 Calories, 180 yds of Bear Crawls. All The Fix’ns bonus: Another 1/3 of Reese’s, 29 Calories, 170 sit-down Moroccan Night Clubs.
  4. Main Course:   Boston Creme Dunk’n Donut, 1 Bite, 38 Calories, 396 Imperial Walkers. All The Fix’ns bonus: 1 Drink of Chocolate Milk, 35 Calories, 40yd Dash x 16.
  5. Main Course:   McDonald’s Big Mac, 1 Bite, 46 Calories, 262 Shoulder Taps. All The Fix’ns bonus: 2 Drinks of Fountain Drink, 29 Calories, Oblique Crunches 91 each side.
  6. Main Course:   Biscuits and Gravy, 6 Bites, 75 Calories, Burpees x70. All The Fixn’s bonus: 1/2 Slice of Bacon, 22 Calories, 225 Toy Soldiers

In addition to the stations above, the goal was to burn-off 1 IPA (~250 Calories) running from station-to-station. Whatever calories toward the IPA that remained near the end of the beatdown had to be burned-off doing tower jailbreaks with an up-and-down counting as 1 jailbreak. 1 jailbreak burns 35 calories. Also, one pax had to carry the sledgehammer and incorporate it into their exercise at the next food station (as YHC promised will be the MO until a successful BQ as it represents pax smashing whatever goals they have), another carried the speaker, and yet another carried the cowbell.

Rules were as follows. The first pax to complete the main course and the all the fixn’s bonus at each food station rang the cowbell, thus releasing all pax to journey on to the next food station. The only rule was that once a pax rang the cowbell that pax was not allowed to ring the cowbell again — another pax had to.

The playlist comprised of quirky songs about food. This was fun for all. The playlist was as follows:

  1. Egg Man, Beastie Boys
  2. Eat It, Weird Al
  3. Savoy Truffle, The Beatles
  4. Cheeseburger in Paradise, Jimmy Fugget
  5. Dinner Bell, They Might Be Giants
  6. Pork and Beans, Weezer
  7. I Love Rocky Road, Weird Al
  8. Bacon in the Skillet, Jonas Fjeld
  9. Pulling Mussels (From the Shell), Squeeze
  10. Life is a Minestrone, 10cc
  11. Vegetables, The Beach Boys
  12. Junk Food Junkie, Larry Groce
  13. I Want Candy, Bow Wow Wow
  14. Meat is Murder, The Smiths

Meat is Murder go the most feedback. YHC wasn’t sure if it was the cows mooing at the beginning and the end of the song or the passionate nature of the singer’s disdain for all things meat, but regardless of the motive, the pax really “enjoyed” this song. The lyric about “death for no reason” repeating over and over, along with the one about “the flesh you so fancifully fry the meat in your mouth as you savor the flavor of murder” were definitely eye-opening. YHC doesn’t feel this passionate about anything, let alone beef. But hey, everyone has their thing.

As the pax made their way to various stations, YHC often yelled / asked the pax “WAS IT WORTH IT” referring to the food being worked-off. In almost every case, a load “NO!” could be heard. In some cases, mainly the IPA, pax were confused or uncertain if the running was punishment enough to offset an IPA.

Anyway, the pax made their way through 3 of the 6 stations and wound back to the tower’s base where 3 jailbreaks were required. The first to complete the jailbreaks rang the cowbell and set all FREE. Thank you McNugget for that blessing.

All told, pax covered just under 2-miles on the journey. The beatdown was a great reminder that food choices can make or break good fitness. Minding the Queen doesn’t have to be crazy strict, but it has to make sense. F3 HIM work way too hard to have great gains offset by bad nutrition. The occasional “treat” is fine, but a steady diet of crud will do more harm than good fitness can overcome. Think before you reach!

Congrats to Ripken, Big Mac, Defib and McNugget for being cowbell ringers! The pax appreciated your effort…RESPECT!

Well done goes out to all pax. All got stronger, and some got wiser. That’s a win.


  1. 2-yr anniversary convergence Mar 30.
  2. Number of local road trail races coming up: Gator Wilderness, SUP and Run.

Praises / Requests:

  1. First responders.
  2. Injured / sick pax.
  3. Thor is open to side-jobs over the summer.
  4. Big Mac praised God for how close he and McNugget have become because of F3.

YHC is thankful for the Q’ing opportunity and for the fellowship with good men.

“To do what others cannot do, do what others will not do.”