Be Like Bruce, Not Caitlyn

Conditions:  Hot, Humid and Hilly.

We gathered at the base and walked the FNG through the paces of F3.  We chose not to haze him like the new pledges on Animal House.  We discussed the merits of being a Decathlete, with the winner of the Olympic challenge attaining the title of “World’s Greatest Athlete.”  We aspired to that that and agreed that if we ever did win, we would keep our gender status in order to remain in F3.

We headed out on a MOZY to the top of the hill.  The usually warm-ups commenced on the way up.  At the top, the COP included SSH, Imperial Walkers, Toy Soldiers and Hillbilly Walkers.  We added the Ripken jack series to get our heart rates near max…SSH, Push Jacks, Seal Jacks, Richard Simmons and yes, not seen for many months, the Ho Down.  Papa Smurf wanted video proof of this festival of fun and his inability to work a cell phone taught us all the that laughing and doing Ho Downs for close to 60 seconds is more work than y’all think.

Today’s feat was to be held at sea level so we meandered by to the lot.  A Decathlon is held over 2 days, but since we just had 40 minutes, we had to improvise.  We partnered up for no reason other than the buddy system is a safer way to do most things, including scuba diving, Disney world, scaling Pike’s Peak and mating…especially mating.

Day 1

100 Meters – 100 yards x 10 sets.  Each person did two 100’s while their partner did SSHs. Rotate until 10 each.

Long Jump – 10 broad jumps x 10 sets.  Each person did 10 jumps, twice, while partner did LBCs.  Rotate until 10 each.

Shot Put – 10 medicine ball throws x 4 sets. Each person did 2 sets, while partner did SSHs.  Rotate until 4 each.

High Jump – 10 jump ups on benches x 5 sets.  Each person did 2 sets, while partner did LBCs. Rotate until 5 each.

400 meters – 200 yards up the hill and 200 down. – Water break

Day 2

110 Meter Hurdles – Everyone ran in place for 2 minutes.  When Ripken yelled “Jump,” Bombjacks were given.  The Lions liked this event and roared loudly.  We honored them with “4 on the Roar,” which is four burpees anytime the lions decide we need them.

Discus Throw – Given the proximity of others, we chose not to throw hard objects.  While holding Gatorade bottles, each Pax gave 100 Moroccan Night Clubs. For some reason this was funny. So we gave 20 more.

Pole Vault – No pole, no pit, no time, no vault.  We considered going to Diesel’s house, but he said the pole had been removed.

Javelin Throw – see Pole Vault commentary above.

1500 Meters – With time waining, we decided to only run 0.7 miles, but did the lap up and around the hill.  The Lions rudely gave us “4 on the Roar” just as we were ending.  Those savage beasts can really get on your nerves.

Very intentionally, this beatdown was a hard leg day.  There was just enough upper body work to prove that Caitlyn wouldn’t have been able to compete with Bruce.  Jim Thorpe is now my all time favorite Decathlete.  History lesson: He did it with shoes from the trash can…that’s a man.


It was a great morning, the Garmin said we burnt 1,000 calories, and 50+ people were around to see us come together as Godly men. Prayers for that sick, traveling and missing.  Prayers for the kids as they go back to school. Prayers for Reese’s test. Great to have Catapult from Newport News, VA downrange with us.



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