A Tradition Like…oh screw it, just another lousy beatdown

by

Date: 4/13/2020

Weather*: 78 degrees and humid

*forecast – if it rains, see Disclaimers

AO: Your garage/driveway

QIC: Manziel

Pax: TBD

Core principles:

  1. Free
  2. Outside
  3. Guys
  4. Led in a rotation
  5. Ends in a circle of trust

Disclaimers: Sue Bing, etc., etc.

This weekend was supposed to be Masters weekend, but Dr. Fauci and a bunch of politicians decided otherwise. However, even though we can’t do our beatdowns together, we can’t let this get in the way of what has become an annual tradition: the Masters themed beatdown.

A little history. My first F3 workout was the Saturday of Masters weekend 2 years ago. Drake was Q that day, so naturally my first question was, “What the hell is the lead singer of Midnight Oil doing here?” After becoming convinced that he was in fact not a 1990s era rock star, he described the workout for the day, which involved a lot of running and a lot of exercises based on the layout of Augusta National, complete with printouts using the Masters logo. If I had know y’all better that day, I probably would have called the police because it would have been obvious that he had kidnapped Recall’s M in order to get to that artistic level.

Never one to miss the chance to rip off a good idea (after all, that’s what they teach you for 3 years in law school), YHC decided last year to do a Masters themed beatdown on the following Monday at AP. Since running up and down the trail wasn’t a good idea with no daylight, everything was contained in the Echo Chamber. Well, since we’re stuck watching a replay of the 2019 Masters, why not do a replay of the post-Masters beatdown?

First the COP:

  • 20 SSH
  • 15 hillbilly walkers
  • 15 strawberry pickers
  • 20 Michael Phelps
  • 20 arm circles

This requires a bigger and better Manziel Board of Pain, which you’re going to have to imagine in our virtual little world. On each side is a list of nine exercises, one for each hole at Augusta National. The board displays par for each hole, so the pax – oh wait, this is the Masters, so I should say the patrons – multiply par by 10 and do that many reps of the exercise. Here’s where the evil modification comes in: instead of a lot of running, the patrons run down to the other end of the rink, and do burpees equal to the par on the hole they just completed. But since you’re not at the rink, run about 100 feet to replicate the experience. The exercises are as follows (count one side, where applicable except as noted):

  1. par 4 – Carolina drydocks
  2. par 5 – Moroccan nightclubs
  3. par 4 – Plank jacks
  4. par 3 – Merkins
  5. par 4 – Salsa dips
  6. par 3 – Imperial walkers
  7. par 4 – Mountain climbers
  8. par 5 – LBCs
  9. par 4 – Calf raises

Time for the turn. Instead of grabbing a hot dog and a beer, do Captain Thors up to 5 situps. Then it’s on to the second nine, as the Green Jackets like to say:

  1. par 4 – Overhead claps
  2. par 4 – Flutter kicks
  3. par 3 – Lunges (count both sides here)
  4. par 5 – Freddie Mercuries
  5. par 4 – American hammers
  6. par 5 – Shoulder taps
  7. par 3 – Monkey humpers
  8. par 4 – Evender Holyfields (count both sides)
  9. par 4 – Leg raises

Finish up with a Jack Webb up to 5 Merkins. Just because.

The total par for the course is 72, meaning that we all rack up 720 reps of exercises and 72 burpees, plus whatever the math is on the Captain Thors and Jack Webbs.

Prayers & Praises:

  • Defib & family
  • Lori and Sarah, and families
  • All those impacted by COVID-19, both in terms of health and economically
  • Federal, state & local leaders
  • Troops, police, firefighters, first responders, medical personnel

Hang in there, pax. We’ll be out of this soon.