May 4, 1996.  The day I said “I do.”

May 4, 2000. The day you say, “I should’ve fartsacked.”

5 Core Principles, Sue Lancelot. (A boy named Sue – Johnny Cash)

Do a Mozy while yodeling.

Do a warm up unless you’re Gumby.

The Thang.  What I’ve learned to stay married for 24 years.

24 sets total of 24 exercises…(disclaimer: you may not get this done in 45 minutes, but you don’t have to go to work anyway.)  After each set, run 100 yards. (576 exercises and 2400 yards for those curious)

  1. 4 sets of Step ups (12 each leg) – you have to step it up to be a good husband.
  2. 4 sets of Wax On (hand straight out front, rotate inward) – You have to let your M “wax” poetically and just listen.
  3. 4 sets of Wax Off (rotate outward) – think eyebrows…the things we’ll do for our wives.
  4. 4 sets of Push ups aka Merkins – you have to push your M up higher than you.  Other than God, she’s your #1.
  5. 4 sets of Pickle Pounders – think honeymoon, then think again…you’re old now.
  6. 4 sets of Pickle Pointers – ride Sally ride.  You know who’s in control of your marriage.

Love starts as a feeling, but continues as a choice.  This day I choose to love Lori again more than any other human being in the world.  We ain’t perfect, but we’re perfect for the one we’re with.  God doesn’t make mistakes.

Say a Prayer of thanksgiving for all you have and those that have sacrificed to give it to us, most of all Jesus.

Ripken out.