Abs-solutey Ridiculous

“You’ll remember me in the shower later.” – Ripken

“I’m out.” – Goob

Just one of the finer moments of this morning’s beatdown at AP.  What started out as a 0.0 ab workout was expanded to include a couple laps around the parking lot.  However, most of the time was spent in a sweaty circle in the Echo Chamber doing our best to remove all the skin from our tailbones…hence Ripken’s comment, lest you think it had other origins.

The workout started and ended with 100% core exercises meant to tax the keg we have, hoping to turn it into the six pack we all want.  There was a wonderful combo platter of music featuring, INXS, Winger, Motley Crue, and Debbie Gibson.  We started with a series of standing abs, all reps were 20 today.

  • Imperial Walkers
  • Side Wood Chop
  • Upward Wood Chop
  • High Knees
  • High Knees with Twist
  • Side Leg Raises (which look eerily similar to Richard Simmons)

The balance of time was spent following the chart below, 20 reps of each exercise, going left to right, top to bottom. Apparently Manziel recognized this from “Woman” magazine.  He reads this periodical during visits to his gyno and immediately recognized the chart.  Several images below look like they come from a Kama Sutra manual, but I can assure you that most of us maintained a 6 foot distance.  I’m not sure Stagecoach and Capt Ron did as they were heard giggling in the dark recesses of the hockey rink.

At the final count, we did about 1,000 ab exercises.  We threw in 5 sets of 10 burpees just to keep Chili Pepper from whining.  At the time of this writing, my core is not functioning on its own.  Therefore, I’m wearing the back support device that I received after the spinal transplant surgery I needed after 20 years of marriage.  Apparently my original spine had been covertly removed during the vasectomy procedure without my knowledge.  One of the many low points in my quest for manhood.

Prayers were heavy for I-Spy’s son, Lukas, who had open-heart surgery this morning.  We are awaiting a glorious outcome.  Praises for Lori’s radiation ending this week, and for her and Sarah’s bravery through this process.  Help us all be the fathers and leaders that we intend to be.  Be the hero of your family, be the first to jump into help, let others know your faith without you needing to use words to tell them.

-Ripken out.