Friday past, on the Eve of Christmas Eve, the pax gathered for a beatdown that turned into a beatup.

The pax arrived to see an array of papers spread to and fro on the turf.  There was a nervousness in the air.  Bing sharted in anticipation.

Ripken sleepily arrived to see Chili Pepper and Sir Wallace destroying Pyro during Insane Clown, all the while, he set the stage with 48 pieces of paper forming a perfect 8×6 grid.  More on that later.

At 5:15, the 5CP, Mission, Credo and Disclaimer were pronounced.  We did a rather long two lap mozy to prepare the blood flow for what’s to come.  Jimmy Dean brought his towel in case he needed a wet wipe.  Clutch ran off in the dark by himself again. No one really knows where he goes or who he meets at such an hour, but he’s always smiling upon his return.

We circled up careful not to mess up the grid of papers and did obligatory SSH’s plus Merkins, Big Boy Setups, Seal Jacks, Moroccan Night Clubs, and Deconstructed Burpees in cadence.  Ripken threw in 10 Burpees OYO to prepare us for MABA in January.

To align the pax from most Burpee-est to least Burpee-est, we did the maximum number of burpees in one minute.  The numbers ranged from 13 for Snapshot to 23 for Sonic Boom. (23? Does he know how to count in English?  Maybe he was counting in metric?)

We then divided up into 6 teams of 3.  Each team’s job was to run to the grid, find a match and return.  The team with the most matches wins some of Ripken’s carefully wrapped Christmas presents.  Some were scary phallic shapes.  Some smelled of phosphorus.  Some were leaking odd fluids.

The rules were a little more complicated.

• You could only turn over two tiles, of course Big Mac had his own rules.
• When you returned, everyone on your team had to do a burpee before the next pax could go out.
• And most importantly, IF YOU FOUND A MATCH, YOU YELLED “MATCH,” AND BEAR CRAWLED BACK BEFORE THE PAX TACKLED YOU.

This last rule is where all hell broke loose.  Bearded Lady’s circus training made him quite the tackler.  He took out Sonic Boom in one hit.  However it took three guys to bring Sir Wallace down.  Pyro also was seen carrying a basketball team on his back. Spartan even got into the action and Greco-Roman wrestled a guy to the ground…of course he did, he’s Spartan.

Even after the rug burns and body blows, there were plenty of laughs to go around.  In the end, we were all winners from the laughs and at the same time, all losers having subjected ourselves to such immature stupidity…but I’d do it again in a heartbeat!  Getting beatup was never so much fun.

With some remaining time, we did a Seven of Burpees and Getups and another of Merkins and LBCs.

Announcements: Bridge of Life run in February, Weight-loss Challenge in January.  Go to Queen channel to sign up.  Sign up for MABA and do 100 burpees a day for a month.  This goes hand in hand with the weight loss challenge and isn’t that hard if you just break it up.

Praises: Snapshots sister, Fireball’s trip with the kids, Christmas’ miracle, Taco Tuesdays (who’s not grateful for that?)

Prayers: Cat5’s leg, Ripken’s foot, Several sick pax, 1st responders, and several God knows and I forgot.

Merry Christmas.  Ripken out!