Jimmy Dean stood at Adventure Park today and summed thing up: “What a beautiful morning. It’s cool and there’s a breeze. No mosquitoes. Perfect weather.” Then he farted loud enough to be heard at WaWa. But his point was still valid. It was a great morning for a beatdown.

This beatdown had no Christmas music, no holiday theme, no Santa or Elf outfits. The only goal was to pre-emptively burn some of the calories we’ll be eating and drinking later this week. Call it the “Fat Bastard” workout (I don’t think Austin Powers counts as a Christmas movie).

We started with 5 core principles and then a mosey.

The centerpiece of this workout was an exercise ladder. I ask the PAX to imagine a 6 foot rope ladder on the floor in front of them. We would do exercises in-and-out of the ladder boxes for 2 minutes, followed by 20 seconds rest.

• Use a mode of transportation to go down the ladder.
• Complete an exercise at the end of the ladder.
• Go back down the ladder.
• Complete the exercise at the other end of the ladder.
• Repeat.

So here are some of the reps we did:

• 2 feet in then 2 feet out of the ladder boxes. 5 LBS at each end.
• Diagonal bursts through the box. 5 jump-and-catches at the end.
• Scissors in-and-out of the ladder boxes. 5 speed skaters at the end.
• Basketball dribbles. 5 Bobby Hurleys at the end.
• Fast steps in-and-out of the ladder boxes. 5 burpees.

We took a quick break to a do a run around the parking with a 5-count exercise in each corner of the parking lot.

45 minutes later, we’d burned 500+ calories and produced enough smutty jokes to make an awesome “Austin Powers 4” movie.

• Announcements: Salvation Army, 6 pm Tuesday night.
• Prayers: Pyro and his family. Jimmy Dean’s family. All those who are lonely over the holidays.