If downhill was a slippery slope, this beatdown turned Avalanche by 5:18 a.m. Ripken arrived tired and “hangry” from no sleep, rot-gut from Sunday’s fare and a Rays World Series loss. Unfortunately, this meant the pit of depravity was led by the Q right from the start. However, the Pax quickly succumb to their 14 year old maturity levels and piled on where (in)appropriate.

All went well for about a minute as the 5 core principles were stated. Afterward, Ripken noted that there was a Mission Statement, but he refused to state it, nor would he give a Disclaimer while acknowledging its existence as well. The tone was set. During the mozy, the levity continued into the sticky darkness as random exercises were announced with clearly no plan in sight.

As do most beatdowns, this one started with a circle of pain. SSH, Merkins, Imperial Walkers and Hillbilly Walkers. We then did a set of 100 Grady Corns to the chagrin and mumble chatter of Pudge. For a guy with big shoulders, they don’t work very well that early.

We then recalled an exercise that Brutus introduced on Friday. In a bent-over position, you cock your arms in an “open fly” position and proceed to pump your arms backwards. This produces various grunts and awkward noises. We unanimously named it forevermore “Brutus Gayboys.” Multiple sets of BGB’s were done so as the Pax could remember the name.

After the BGB’s, we noted the course of flashing lights, “When’s the plane landing?” shouted an excited Manziel looking to chase yet another ambulance….to sell them an ESOP. The lights were about 20 lightyards (that’s less than a lightyear) apart. Multiple stacks were done with modes of transportation of varying (little to no) difficulties.

Set 1 – Merkins 10, 20, 30 – choose your mode, most jogged (Goob thought jog meant run like you’re on fire)
Set 2 – Brutus Gayboys 10, 20, 30 – run with a pirouette to make it special. (Lancelot recalled doing these for hire at a Bachelorette party in the Cha-ching Province 5 years ago.)
Set 3 – Mountain Shitters (see the theme yet?) – 10, 20, 30 – NUR
Set 4 – Dips with feet up on curb (renamed Homer to Homers by Manziel) 20, 40, 60 – Sprints. (Pudge claimed to have won the 20 yard Strava segment from light 2 to 3. Pincher will be out next week to take that segment.)
Set 5 – LBCs 20, 40 60 – side shuffle left (A time for flatulence to reign supreme.)
Set 6 – Combo platter of Merkins, BGBs and LBCs 5, 10, 15 each – side shuffle right

This concluded our time. Fortunately, Posh was quiet and maintained his salvation. He promised to pray for the rest of us.

If you haven’t signed up for Wildpax on 12/3-5, why not? You don’t like F3…filth, fatty foods and flatulence? You don’t need a bike or a tent. You just need a hearty laugh, some running shoes and a pillow (which you won’t need much.) Here’s link to sign up. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1oTNViP6e938tfdn63hlOxKh01Hu6obbGWRtyewEQuqM/edit#gid=0
Also sign up for Manziel/Rowdy’s 5K ruck with stations (none will include Homer to Homer’s, I’ve been told) on 11/21.

Prayers for Ripken’s father-in-law, Lancelot’s feet, 1st responders, the Election, injured pax and Brutus. Lots of good laughs, sweat and mosquito bites this morning. Love my F3 brothers, can always count on them to finish bawdy jokes when the punchline eludes me.

Ripken out.