AO: Hard Knocks University Bootcamp - Wednesday

When: 06/21/2023


Number of Pax: 11

Pax Names: AirWolf, Big Mac, Brutus, Callahan, Dora, Jimmy Dean, Manziel, Pork Roll, Sir Wallace, Spamalot, Woody,

Number of FNGS: 0

FNG Names:

QIC: Spamalot

The BackBlast:

About 2 am this morning, the skies lit up and there was a significant amount of lightning, thunder, and rain.  YHC rolled over, looked at the clock, and thought….”I hope this stops before 5:15.”  Zzzzzzzzzz…back to sleep.

Sure enough, the rain stopped and the lightning drifted off to the North and West of our beloved AO.  , 5

At 515, the Mission Statement, 5 Core Principles, and 5 point legal disclaimer were given.

Bubbles and Condenser set off on their ruck.  Little did they know what they missed.




Today’s beatdown was a recounting of “actual” events that happened to a man named Frank.  Frank is an ordinary man, who lives in a non-descript city, on the top floor of a 20 story apartment building.


On Saturday, not too long ago while he was fast asleep, his phone rang at 7:30 in the morning.

Low Flutter/Flutter Kicks (to kick off the blanket and sheets) x 10 IC


“What??  Who could be calling me this early on a Saturday?”


Frank stood up to find his phone.


Tempo Squats (3 count down, 1 up) x 10 IC


“Hello?!!  Yes….yes….today?  But….ok….fine….I will be there as soon as I can.”  Frank hung up the phone, got dressed and rushed out the door.

Mosey to front of Chinese restaurant.


As he got to the elevator on his floor, he was greeted with a sign that read:  “CLOSED – USE STAIRS”


UGH!!! said Frank as he started walking down the stairs.


Mountain climbers x 10 IC


Frank rushed to his car, which was in the basement of the apartment building parking lot.

Mosey to side of building.


“My Keys!! I forgot my keys!!”


Rushing back (mosey back to front of building), Frank raced up the stairs to his apartment.

Mountain Climbers x 10 IC


Keys in hand, Frank went back down the stairs.

Mountain Climbers x 10 IC


Mosey to side of building where Frank’s car was parked.


Frank got in his car (wall sit) and drove off!!


Wheels on the bus x 10 IC


After driving for about 30 minutes, Frank found himself in the country.  He stopped his car and got out (recover from wall sit).


Off in the the distance he saw a red barn.  Frank immediately sprinted towards the barn.  (Mosey towards bank).


OH NO!!!  Frank soon encountered some VERY high grass.  High Knees the rest of the way to the beginning of the bank.


Immediately in front of the barn was a huge lake.  It was so big that Frank could not walk around it, so he jumped in and started swimming.


Long Swimmers x 10 IC


Arriving at the other side Frank ran (moseyed) to the front of the….OW!!!!!!

Frank stumbled over an exposed tree root, falling down.

1 burpee


Frank got up, and raced into the barn.


In the barn, in the middle of the floor was a locked trapped door.

Frank thought “I am strong, I can open this door!!”

Nolan Ryan x 10 IC


But alas, Frank was not able to open the trap door.

“Wait a minute…..I have a crowbar in the trunk of my car!!”  Out the barn ran (mosey) Frank.

“OWW!!!”  Frank fell again over the root – 1 burpee


Back into the lake – Long swimmers x 10 IC

Mosey back to his parked car – grab the crowbar

Mosey back to the lake

Long Swimmers x 12 IC (it took longer, as Frank was holding the crow bar in one hand).


Out of the lake, Frank was careful not to trip over the root.


Arriving at the trap door, he pried  open the door,

Nolan Ryan x 10 (left arm) IC


Opening the trap door, Frank saw a long hallway leading into the dark.


Mosey towards Dunkin Donuts.  About half way down the hall, it turned and got narrow.


Side shuffle half way to Publix and then lunge walk to the front of Publix.

“what an odd shaped hallway,” thought Frank.


Frank sprinted (towards DD).  Immediately in front of him was a sign that read “STOP, GO BACK!!”


Undeterred, Frank pressed on.


Grab the two tables in front of Dunkin and put them in the parking lot.


Frank had now reached a part of the tunnel with a very low ceiling.


Bear crawl under the 1st table, then broad jump to the 2nd table, then bear crawl under it.


(put tables back).


“WOW,” thought Frank.


Frank pressed on (mosey toward Publix Pharmacy)


The path soon seemed like it was circling back on itself.

(Figure 8s around the pillars of the drive through).


At long last, Frank was nearing the end of his journey.


He came to a glass door.  After struggling for a minute, he saw that the handle was at the bottom.

He opened it by performing:  Squat Thrusters x 10 IC


The door creaked open and Frank continued down the hallway.


He soon reached a wooden door, with handles in the middle.


Michael Phelps x 10 IC soon had the door open.


Off in the distance, Frank saw two other people, unloading a truck.  (Publix workers, no doubt still talking about this)


Finally, Frank arrived at a steel door.  “How am I going to open this door?”  There was not a handle.


Frank leaned on the door in frustration, and it slowly opened…..


Frank was not standing in a small “library.”  Books lined the wall, and in the corner, there was an object that was covered by a sheet.


Frank crept over and took off the sheet.


In the cage sat the largest, most menacing gorilla that Frank had ever seen.


“I cannot do this!” Frank thought.

Undeterred, Frank reached out, and gently touched the gorilla on the shoulder….


RAOOOAOORRR!!! screamed the gorilla as it started screaming and shaking the cage.


Frank immediately knew he was in trouble and raced out the room.


The gorilla broke down the cage door and chased after Frank.


***Editor’s note*** For sake of brevity (hahahaha), YHC is going to keep it shorter from this point.  Essentially, we then reversed what he had just done. Mirror opposite of route, completing the same exercises and modes of transportation.

The gorilla was pissed and was chasing Frank!


Once Frank was back in the barn he raced towards the lake, jumping over the root (no Burpee)


Back into lake went Frank.

Long swimmers x 10 IC


High knees x 10 IC through the high grass to Frank’s Car


Wall sit as Frank drove home, with the gorilla in fast purusit.

Wheels on the bus x 10 IC

Head Shoulders Knees toes x 10 IC


Mosey back to front of building (Franks staircase)

Up the stairs!!!  fast!  fast!

Mountain climbers x 10 IC


Frank burst into his apartment had jumped into bed to hide!!


Tempo Squats x 10 IC


Pulling the sheet over his head, the gorilla burst into the apartment.

Low Dolly x 10 IC


ARHHFHGHHHHHH! screamed the gorilla.


Frank now know it was now or never!  Would he be a man or muppet!??





Frank stood up to meet his fate.


The gorilla stomped over to Frank, breathing heavy, snorting and looking very scary.


The gorilla reached out with both of its arms, placing them on Frank’s shoulders.


And said…….


“Tag, you are it.”




Thank you all for joining YHC on this journey!


YHC took us out, giving thanks for the day and our blessings.


Have a great day!



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